I like running FAST. That is just me. I don't care too much for those long slow runs that they say are good for your form and endurance. I want some change of pace. I like watching the earth fly passed my feet, and feeling my face cut through the air. And to take it one step further... make it a race. Put another guy on the line. Let me see him in my peripheral vision. I just like to run FAST.

So I did a backflip. So I landed in the water and it felt incredible. So I surfaced and said "whoo hoo that was great!" But I also lost focus. I became distracted. I have been striving for excellence, and monitoring my progress for months. I go to boot camp where my own insecurities lead me to compare myself with other guys... constantly. And I tried running faster, and faster, and faster but it was never good enough. I wasn't the best. I lost something.

Eric Liddell from chariots of fire? He had it. I love that movie.

I realized a few weeks ago that there is a big difference between running fast and running free. (freely? bump it this is my blog and I do what i want.) Before the backflip. I ran free. I enjoyed running and I enjoyed pushing my body. From there, I pushed myself to run fast. But only because I ran free. Without the ability to run free, I will never run fast. I hate running fast, if I don't have the joy and peace that comes from being truly free.

It was crazy things in my head. The fear of losing. Fear of letting people down. Fear of being a failure. Doubting my strength and perseverance. Doubting my character. Doubting my God.

Who knows all the thing that I had in my head. They weren't my thoughts. I know that. But they were there. Entangling thoughts. I just wanna run free.

I pray for freedom and for protection. And God is gracious.

I am Esteban. I am here to Honor God. I am here to Love People. And it will be an Adventure. I believe my current path falls exactly in line with all of these. May my life be of service to my shipmates and may God continue to be my strength.