I like running FAST. That is just me. I don't care too much for those long slow runs that they say are good for your form and endurance. I want some change of pace. I like watching the earth fly passed my feet, and feeling my face cut through the air. And to take it one step further... make it a race. Put another guy on the line. Let me see him in my peripheral vision. I just like to run FAST.

So I did a backflip. So I landed in the water and it felt incredible. So I surfaced and said "whoo hoo that was great!" But I also lost focus. I became distracted. I have been striving for excellence, and monitoring my progress for months. I go to boot camp where my own insecurities lead me to compare myself with other guys... constantly. And I tried running faster, and faster, and faster but it was never good enough. I wasn't the best. I lost something.

Eric Liddell from chariots of fire? He had it. I love that movie.

I realized a few weeks ago that there is a big difference between running fast and running free. (freely? bump it this is my blog and I do what i want.) Before the backflip. I ran free. I enjoyed running and I enjoyed pushing my body. From there, I pushed myself to run fast. But only because I ran free. Without the ability to run free, I will never run fast. I hate running fast, if I don't have the joy and peace that comes from being truly free.

It was crazy things in my head. The fear of losing. Fear of letting people down. Fear of being a failure. Doubting my strength and perseverance. Doubting my character. Doubting my God.

Who knows all the thing that I had in my head. They weren't my thoughts. I know that. But they were there. Entangling thoughts. I just wanna run free.

I pray for freedom and for protection. And God is gracious.

I am Esteban. I am here to Honor God. I am here to Love People. And it will be an Adventure. I believe my current path falls exactly in line with all of these. May my life be of service to my shipmates and may God continue to be my strength.

If you had told me two years ago where I would be today... it would have sounded cool I guess. But I wouldn't have believed it. This path just kinda smacked me in the face one morning, and the next morning here I am. I apologize to all the planners and deep thinkers and wise counselors. And I confess that this was not the most carefully thought out idea. I just did it. Just like when I was in high school. You pass over a high bridge with your home boys in the back seat, someone says, "Hey lets jump off," and two minutes later you are shimmying along the ledge with cars honking as they pass by a couple of feet away. I could have been anything. doctor. lawyer. framer. missionary. pastor. None seemed to fit right. And then I saw that bridge, with that cool crystal blue water below. I did a back flip.

Bam. Here I am.

Ooook fine. I prayed about it. Made every attempt to discern the will of God in the dry season I was in. I wasn't quite sure. I wanted nothing other than to be at the center of God's will. Regardless, it was still a sick back flip.

So back to Bam. Here I am. I love the people I am with. I love the path I am on. I don't know all the details about how this will play out, but God continues to teach me and guide me and prove his faithfulness.

Hooyah.